


See Who I Am

by huntingblueskies



Category: Batman Begins (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:59:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntingblueskies/pseuds/huntingblueskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Codee Norris lived in a rundown orphanage in the Narrows, where life was a living death day in and day out. A small beam of light shines through when she is taken to Dr. Crane, where she hopes to be rid of the orphanage by slowly revealing her story. However, nothing is as it seems, and soon Codee is dragged into something bigger than she ever imagined. Finally running away from it all on her eighteenth birthday, Codee hoped that her luck would get better. And it did, with the arrival of a new friend called Bruce Wayne... Crane doesn't approve, however. He wants her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Sweet dreams are made of this.  
Who am I to disagree?  
I travel the world and the seven seas  
Everybody's looking for something

-Sweet Dreams, Eurythmics

 

Single moments of time can last an eternity. I had been in the waiting room for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only about ten minutes. The hard leather chairs were impossible to be comfortable in, and I was forever squirming around in the chair.

“Stop moving,” Loretta hissed from beside me, casting me the evil eye. I immediately stopped and fixed my gaze on my clasped hands, tensing from the rebuff. I didn't want anymore trouble from her. Neither of us wanted to be here, but at the request of Madame Giselle, we were here to have me get some professional help.

Heh. 'Professional' help. Since when did we need to pay fancy doctors to sit there and tell me that I was messed up and put me on medication that would do nothing but harm me even more? If it wasn't for the security guard hanging around the entrance, I would have booked it out of here long ago. I didn't care that we were in the middle of the Narrows and that the orphanage was several minutes drive away. I just wanted to get out of here. 

“Dr. Crane will see you now, Miss Norris,” a blonde secretary said, clutching a clipboard. She gave me a fake smile as I stood up to follow her through the white-washed halls of Arkham Asylum. Only the truly crazy people went here....which meant that judging by everything that Loretta had been telling me for months....this is where I belong.

I could hear Loretta's high heels clicking against the tiles as we walked through the halls, past doctors and nurses holding clipboards or pushing wheelchairs. There was no one overly-crazy right here...but I knew that somewhere in this building, the villains that Batman had been working to keep in Arkham were lurking several floors above...

The secretary paused by a door and knocked. “Come in,” a voice called through the door. The secretary opened the door and ushered us in. I hesitated inside the doorway, before flinching as Loretta laid a hand on my shoulder and guided me through the doorway and into the office.

Dr. Crane was a man in his late twenties, early thirties who was seated behind a cluttered desk. He had curly black hair and icy blue eyes that were hidden behind glasses. He glanced up carelessly as we walked in, and I noticed that he immediately clued in on the hand that Loretta had on my shoulder.

“Ah, Miss Norris,” he said, faking a smile while standing up, offering his hand to me. I took the offered hand before letting go quickly. Sitting down in the seat he directed, I froze when I realized that Loretta was sitting down in another seat as well, darting a panicked glance at her. No, no no no no! If she was here, there was no way I could speak!

Feeling eyes on me, I glanced up and realized that Dr. Crane had been watching me, taking in my reactions. As if making a rapid decision, he turned a fake smile to Loretta. “I'm sorry, but you are?”

“Loretta Grisham,” she replied tartly. “I'm the caretaker at the orphanage.”

“Well, I would like to speak to Miss Norris in private, if that's alright with you,” Dr. Crane said. “I would like what she has to say to me to be of her own free will.” There was an almost sarcastic undertone to his words.

The tightness around Loretta's mouth made me realize that the Dr. Crane's sarcastic tone did not go unnoticed by her. “She won't tell you anything,” she promised with a dark look towards him. “She doesn't speak.”

To you, I thought, sending her a slight glare. I talk perfectly fine when I feel like it.

“Let me be the judge of that,” Dr. Crane replied, walking around the desk. “I believe the waiting room is down the hall and to your left. Can't miss it.”

Loretta stood up, squeezing my shoulder tightly. Pain lanced through me from previous bruises, and I gritted my teeth together. “I'll be waiting,” she promised me. I met her eyes, catching the double meaning in her words. 

What was Madame Giselle thinking? Loretta is going to find some way to get back at me for this...

Dr. Crane waited until Loretta had left before shutting the door and making his way back behind the desk. “So,” he said, seating himself and staring at me. “Tell me about yourself, Miss Norris.”

“There's nothing to tell,” I said quietly, speaking for the first time in over a week. “Also, it's Codee, not Miss Norris.”

Dr. Crane appraised me for a moment. “Well, start by telling me what Miss Grisham meant by 'she won't tell you anything'.”

“She banked on me not talking,” I said bitterly, clenching my hands together. “I haven't spoken in over a week.” It felt weird to talk again...

“Why is that?” he asked, making a note on a pad of paper.

“Because it's better that way.” I didn't know how I could tell him about the situation going on at the orphanage... Would he even care? Would he laugh or scoff at me, and tell me to suck it up? I couldn't tell with this guy...

“And why is that?” When I didn't answer, still torn between whether I should tell him or not, he sighed. “Why are you living in an orphanage?”

I sent him an incredulous look. “Because my parents died?”

Exasperation crossed his face for a split second. “I realize that, but I was hoping you would go into a little more detail.”

“Fire,” I said stiffly. This guy was different than any other one I've talked to before. He was asking direct questions and not mollycoddling me. I decided that I liked this method better than have someone sugarcoat it for me.

He made another note on his clipboard. “And you've been living at the orphanage for how long?”

“Three years.” Three years of torture, hell, and living death.

“You are sixteen, correct?”

“Yeah. I'll be seventeen in a little over a month.” I watched as he continued to make notes on a clipboard. 

Dr. Crane looked up at me again. I could tell that he was analyzing me, analyzing my answers. It made me slightly unnerved. I never really liked people that could read me. It made me feel like I had no privacy and couldn't hide personal things.

“Are you currently in a relationship, or have any close friends?” he asked.

“No and no,” I said curtly. Maybe directness wasn't as refreshing as I thought... 

“Why not?”

I sighed, and in that moment I decided, what the hell. “Because they don't want to risk Loretta's wrath.”

A raised eyebrow told me that Crane was surprised that I decided to give in and 'trust' him. Trust wasn't any part of it. I didn't trust the guy; I just wanted to hurt Loretta by telling the truth that she had been trying to hide. “Tell me more about Loretta.”

“Bitch.” I remember that my mother had always disapproved of foul language. The word coming out of my mouth seemed foreign and distasteful, and I wished I could take it back. I could just imagine the disapproving look that my mother would have on her face.

Crane paused. “...Anything else?”

I was angry. Angry at the injustice of my situation, and angry at the fact that the man across from me would never be in my shoes. I was angry because just down the hall and to the left, Loretta sat there in a steaming fury, waiting for me to come out and get home so she could take out her anger on me.

“Yeah. When I don't do something I like she locks me in the cellar.”

Crane leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. He seemed much more interested in the conversation than when it first started. “And how often does that occur?”

I hesitated. “Let's just say that I'm personally acquainted with the bats.”

“Does she do anything else?” Weird. I could see a hint of a smirk on his face. Was he...enjoying this? Dread poked at my stomach. It seems my fears were right. Well, might as well go down swinging.

“Yeah. She took me to see you,” I shot at him, before standing up. “Bye, Dr. Crane. Hopefully I won't have to come back here again.” I turned my back and walked to the door and disappeared through it.

Had I looked back at that moment, I would have seen a wide smirk steal across Dr. Crane's face as he watched me leave.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As I expected, Loretta was waiting in a fury as I approached the waiting room. Sending a sickly sweet smile my way, she grabbed my arm in a too-tight grip as we headed towards the check-out desk. She momentarily let go of my arm to sign papers, while I moodily stared at some sign encouraging children to eat healthily. Yeah. Sure. 

I glanced up as Dr. Crane walked behind the secretary, carrying a file in his hand. He smirked when he saw me and walked up behind the desk. “It was a pleasure to talk to you today, Miss Norris,” he said, stressing my name just to make me angry. I had specifically told him to call me Codee...

I gritted my teeth, and nodded slightly. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that both Crane and Loretta were staring at me, but I shifted my gaze back to the eating healthy poster. Dr. Crane continued on his way, and the secretary gave us the all-clear. All too soon, I found myself in the passenger seat of a beat-up cramped car, heading through the streets of the Narrows.

The tension in the air was palpable as Loretta pulled up into the driveway of the orphanage. I looked up at the imposing building, my heart sinking at the sight. One of these days I would book it out of here and never look back. Judging by the way that Loretta was acting now, it will probably be sooner than later.

As I climbed out of the car, Loretta grabbed me by my short brown hair, her fingers digging into my scalp. I gasped out in pain, grabbing her hand, but her grip was too tight. “What did you say to Dr. Crane?” she hissed, pulling down on my head.

I tried to squirm out of her grip, but Loretta held on strong. I let out a cry of pain as she tugged rather fiercely on my hair. “Answer me!” she demanded.

I tried to shake my head despite her grip on my hair, refusing to answer. Loretta let out a disgusted grunt, throwing me to the ground. I roughly hit the dirty pavement, skinning my elbows and knees, but bit back a small noise of pain. “You're disgusting,” Loretta said coldly from above me. “No one cares what happens to an orphan like you. No one cares that your parents died. No one cares about the situation you're in.”

Dr. Crane's smirking face loomed above me in my thoughts, and I closed my eyes, my heart starting to sink again. Maybe she was right...

My eyes flew open again as Loretta grabbed my arm and tugged me to my feet. “For the trouble you've caused me, it's another night in the cellar for you,” she hissed as she tugged me up the steps and into the building. The rotting mildew smell hit me, but by this time I was used to it. Eyes peeked out of doors and over railing banisters, but quickly disappeared as we passed. They could sense that Loretta was on a rampage, and no one wanted to face her wrath.

Unlocking a door at the end of the hall, I was shoved into it. Grabbing onto a railing to stop my fall down the rickety steps, I twisted around and looked up. Loretta stood at the top of the stairs, looking at me with contempt. “Sweet dreams,” she said mockingly before closing and locking the door, plunging me into darkness.


	2. 2.

Hello darkness, my old friend  
I've come to talk with you again  
Because a vision softly creeping  
Left its seeds while I was sleeping  
And the vision that was planted in my brain  
Still remains  
Within the sound of silence

-Sound of Silence, Simon and Garfunkel

 

Who knew that silence had a sound? Impossibly loud, pressing on my ears. The only thing that shattered the silence were my ragged breaths and pounding of my heart. It was pitch-black in the cellar. Not even a sliver of light escaped through the door. 

Using the wooden railing, I slowly navigated my way down the rickety steps, careful not to trip. My sneakers scuffed against the stairs in the darkness, and soon I hit the bottom of the steps onto cold cement. I fumbled around for a moment before finding the flashlight that I had stowed away for nights such as this. Switching it on, it illuminated the cluttered cellar. A faint dripping sounded from the back, adding to the grimy atmosphere.

Sighing, I carefully picked my way towards the back, steering clear of the small puddle of dirty water. On one of my previous nights, I had found an old mattress. I cleaned it off the best I could, but there was still dirt on it. Now, I sat down on it, ignoring the lumpy feel of it, and grabbed a tarp, pulling it around my shoulders as a comforting blanket.

My life never used to be like this. Not as bad as this, anyway. We still lived in the Narrows, but my parents loved me. Dad used to try to find work, but it was hard. Eventually, he said he found some, but he couldn't tell us what it was. Now that I think back on it, it was probably something illegal, but it hardly matters now.

My mother... I could still picture her sweet face surrounded by dark hair and glowing blue eyes. I remember how she used to sing me songs that were playing on the radio at the time to try to coax me to sleep. She never liked those lullabies... 

“Hold your head up... Keep your head up,” I sang softly, from my mother's favorite song, Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics. I let out a ragged sigh before clutching the tarp more securely around my shoulders. Staring at the flashlight beam, I allowed myself to be pulled into memories.

\-----

“Codee!” my mother sang as she walked into my room. “Your dad says that he'll be home for the evening. We'll have to do something special!”

I looked up from my examination of my homework. “Awesome. Like what?”

“How about the three of us watch a movie?” Mom suggested, smiling brightly as she came to sit on the edge of my bed. “We can watch one of those comedies that you love. Monty Python?”

“Yes!” I cheered as I pushed my homework away and impulsively hugged my mom, who immediately returned the hug. “It's going to be the first time he's been home in a while,” I said softly.

“I know.” She pulled away softly to kiss my forehead. “Come on. Let's go make a meal fit of a king!”

I followed her out of the room. The apartment was cluttered with junk, and the wallpaper was peeling. Outside the jeers of drunk people could be heard, but Mom simply turned on the piece of junk that she called a radio. Tuning to a station, she began dancing around, singing along.

Time passed quickly, and soon we heard a key in the lock. Whipping around, holding a bowl and a mixing spoon, I was met with the sight of my tired father walking into the room. A large grin stretched across my face, and I dumped the bowl and spoon onto the counter before running towards my father.

He caught me and brought me into a tight hug. Usually he was sleeping or at work, so I saw very little of my father lately. “Miss me?” he joked weakly.

“Come on; we made dinner,” I said, dragging him over to the kitchen where he kissed my mother before inspecting the bowl full of waffle mix. 

The evening passed in a happy, cozy manner. We watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail while eating waffles drenched in syrup, just the way I liked them. Later, I was in bed reading when it happened.

There was a screech of tires and I heard the shattering of a window. Moments later, I could smell the smoke. 

Leaping out of bed, panicking, I opened my bedroom door. Fire streamed in, burning my hands, and I screamed.

\------

I jolted myself out of the memory, tears streaming down my face. The fire... The screams of my dying parents, shouting my name...shouting each other's names...

I let out a sob and curled into a small ball on the lumpy mattress in the dark while listening to the steady drip...drip... onto the cement floor. It was cold, so I huddled into the tarp more.

The flashlight flickered and went out, and I was plunged into darkness once more.

Sniffling a little, I wiped my face with my sleeve. “Hello, darkness, my old friend,” I whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

I won't tell you how to live your life  
So please stay far away from mine  
Always watching out for which and when  
Is always running out of time 

-Always Running Out Of Time, Motion City Soundtrack

 

“Miss Norris,” Dr. Crane, said, faking a smile as I walked through the door. He stood up, smoothing his suit and gestured to the seat in front of his desk. “How are you?” he asked, almost pleasantly as I sat down.

“Fine.” Can I go home yet? I internally sighed as I crossed my arms and slunk lower into the seat. A week had passed since my last visit to Dr. Crane. Loretta almost refused to bring me to my appointment, but Madame Giselle unexpectedly phoned and reminded her to bring me. To my utter surprise, she had booked appointments with Dr. Crane every week on Tuesday until further notice. She had assured Loretta that it was all paid for, and that I would benefit from these appointments.

I don't understand why I was singled out for treatment, out of all the others in the orphanage. Was it because I refused to speak in Loretta's presence? The only person I had spoken to in two weeks was Dr. Crane, but that was not out of trust. It was out of spite towards Loretta, though it just made her even more angry at me, which was never good in the end.

“Are you going to run out before we're finished today, Miss Norris?” Crane asked, a smirk breaking through his fake smile.

I gritted my teeth but refused to answer. Dr. Crane watched me for a moment before making a note on his pad. “How has your week gone?” His eyes lingered on a bruise on my cheek.

“Fine,” I said shortly. 

Dr. Crane leaned back in his chair. “You know, we'll get nowhere pretty fast if you don't start giving me informative answers,” he commented, a twinge of exasperation passing through his features. When I still didn't answer, he sighed. “Why don't you tell me where you got that bruise?”

“Nowhere,” I muttered, casting my eyes downward from his piercing blue. I squirmed slightly in my seat, wanting to leave. It's not like he can help me, anyway. There's nowhere for me to go... Casting a quick glance up at the clock behind his desk, I saw that I had been in here barely five minutes. Great... I still have just under an hour with him.

“I suppose those bruises on your arms came from nowhere as well?” Dr. Crane asked, raising an eyebrow. He seemed slightly bored by the situation, and I felt another surge of anger at that.

“Why do you care?” I snapped. “You're getting paid either way, whether I talk or not.”

“I'm here to help.” The lie sprang to his lips and was delivered with a smirk. 

“Fine, then. I got the bruises from an old Egyptian pharaoh who caught me from falling into a pit full of alligators because I was pushed by Genghis Khan,” I shot at him, glaring. 

“A pit full of alligators is a bit cliché, isn't it?” Dr. Crane commented idly, making another note on his pad of paper. Straining, I could make out the words active imagination on his paper. “It's rude to read other people's things,” he said, noticing my gaze.

“It's also rude to call me cliché,” I pointed out.

He scoffed slightly. “I assure you, I did not call you cliché. I merely said-”

“We both know where I got the bruises from so why ask in the first place?” I interrupted, staring him down. 

A smirk curved across his face before he adjusted his glasses. “I believe that you may know who gave you the bruises but I do not.”

“Who said that it was a person that gave me the bruises?” I asked defiantly, crossing my arms. I don't know why I just didn't tell him that it was Loretta, which would result in two things. One, he would take me out of that orphanage as a result of the abuse, or two, where he would simply wear that smug smirk on his face at my situation.

“So was it a person or was it an object?” Dr. Crane inquired, the smirk dropping as he tapped the pen against his hand.

“Does it really matter?” I shot back. 

Dr. Crane positioned the pad of paper so I couldn't see what he was writing before jotting down a few notes. I squirmed slightly in my chair, waiting for him to speak again. 

When he did, it was entirely unexpected.

“Tell me about your parents.”

My head snapped up. “What?”

A smug look on his face, he repeated, “Tell me about your parents.”

I didn't speak and opted for glaring at his desk. I didn't want to talk about my parents. Their memories were something precious and fleeting because of the amount of time we spent together. I will only ever be able to spend thirteen years of my life with them. That was it.

“Well?” Crane prompted, watching me.

I stared at the desk and allowed myself to be pulled into memories. 

\-----

Fire encircled me, and my hands were burning. I screamed at the pain, falling backwards onto the floor as the flames licked hungrily at the walls of bedroom, spreading rapidly.

“MOM!” I screamed, coughing from the smoke that poured into the tiny room. “DAD!” 

There was no answer. Only silence filled the room, but that was nearly consumed by the roaring flames coming closer and closer...

\-----

“Codee?” Dr. Crane called, and I blinked back to the present. I found it a little hard to breathe as my breaths were coming in quick bursts, but I quickly calmed myself down before I had a panic attack.

Dr. Crane watched me for a moment. “Are you calm now?” When I nodded, he wrote something down on his pad of paper. “I won't be able to prescribe medication to you until I figure out exactly what is going on with you, which means you need to be more forthcoming in your answers.” He looked up at me. “I need you to trust me and tell me what is going on so I can help.”

Lies. He had to be lying. Why would he want to help? Why would anyone?

“I don't trust you,” I said flatly. “I'm sorry, but I don't.”

Crane seemed slightly surprised at my declaration of mistrust. “Well,” he said after a moment. “I hope that you'll come to see differently in time.”

“I doubt it,” I muttered under my breath before standing up. “I think I'm done for the day.”

Dr. Crane also stood up, glancing at his watch. “Well. You lasted twenty-six minutes this time,” he commented, smirking. “Maybe next time you can last forty-five? Soon we'll be able to do the full hour.”

I scowled slightly before storming out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

Solitude stands in the doorway  
I'm struck once again by her black silhouette  
By her long cool stare and her silence  
I suddenly remember each time we've met

-Solitude Standing, Suzanne Vega

 

The door slammed open, jolting me from sleep. “Get up! All of you, get up!” Loretta's harsh voice broke through the barrier of sleepiness, and instantly I was fully alert. The sound of her heels clicking away from us, down the hall, sprang me into action. I rolled out of bed, the hinges squeaking in protest, and shivered slightly when my feet touched the cold floorboards. Taking the thin, grey blanket I stretched it smoothly over the bed until it was neat.

The other girls around me were doing the same thing. The youngest girl was around five years old, while I was the oldest. I guess that maybe I should have tried to set an example for the other girls, to show them that life isn't always so dark and dreary like it was in the orphanage. I couldn't, though. I was still so full of anger and resentment at my parent's deaths, and I didn't want anything to do with them. It seemed selfish, but really it was the same for them. They didn't want to have anything to do with me, especially since I seem to be the brunt of Loretta's wrath.

I don't know why Loretta singled me out for the abusive treatment, but what I do know is that as soon as I set foot inside the orphanage I became the object of her hatred. I didn't have any friends, and I've never had a relationship before. I used to go to school, where a couple of the girls were friendly towards me, but the friendships had never stayed. Now, here at the orphanage, we were home schooled by a sour, crass teacher who came from exactly nine in the morning and stayed until two in the afternoon. We often went without lunch, depending on her mood for the day.

It was Monday, which meant that it was my turn to work in the kitchens. While the rest of the girls went to go into the dining hall until breakfast was served, I hurried off to the kitchens. I forgot that it was my shift, so I neglected to get up early. If Loretta noticed, I would be without meals for the entire day...

I slipped into the kitchen, where some of the boys and a couple of the girls were already silently slaving away over the food. At least we weren't served gruel, but I imagined that gruel would taste so much better than the food that we were served on a daily basis. No one gave me a second glance as I picked up a plate of food and walked into the dininghall. There was a small buzz around the room as girls and boys had their heads down, conversing. I dropped the plate off at a table before repeating the process, until all four tables had all of the food.

After we all sat down, we fidgeted, waiting with baited breath for Loretta to appear. Loretta wasn't the only worker that worked here, of course. There was Maude, who did all the laundry on Thursdays, and Robert the handyman. He tried to fix things up as best as he could around here, but often was caught sleeping on the job. Mrs. Middleton was the teacher that taught the girls, while Mr. Davis taught the boys. For some reason, there were no co-ed classes here, but I didn't care.

My thoughts turned to Dr. Crane and the appointments on Tuesdays. I had one tomorrow, but I had no idea what to do. Would I tell him about the abusive treatment? Would he care? The questions seemed to mock me, and I grimaced slightly. I didn't understand why he was my psychiatrist, or even why I was being sent to him. I was sure that there were other people that needed it more than I did, but Madame Giselle insisted.

I had never met Madame Giselle, but she ran the orphanage, though she never came to visit, leaving everything to Loretta's hands. I had heard a lot of stories from the other girls, about how she owned a lot of real estate and was very rich. She lived in the nicer part of Gotham City, and never came to visit the Narrows.

Loretta walked into the room, and immediately the slight conversation stopped. “Go on, then,” Loretta said as she walked to her own table. “Eat.”

We all obeyed, piling food on our plates. We never went hungry at mealtimes (unless we had to skip it because of punishment), but the food was never good in the first place. I made a face at my food but ate it nonetheless. I would be getting nothing else.

While I ate, I continued to mull over my problem. What could Dr. Crane do for me that would help me? I doubted he truly cared. A picture of his smirking face flashed through my mind, and my fist balled up in anger. 

I won't be able to prescribe medication until I figure out exactly what is going on with you, which means you need to be more forthcoming in your answers. Dr. Crane's voice echoed around in my mind. What medication would he need to prescribe to me? What medication could I need? Anti-depressants, or something of the like? The thought made me want to snort for some reason. 

More forthcoming in my answers. I don't trust him, so why would I tell him? Although... An image of him kicking Loretta out of the room in our first visit came into my mind. Maybe... Just maybe I could reveal a bit more about what was happening. Not everything, but just maybe he wouldn't treat it as a joke.

The food was done, and I helped clear away the tables and take care of the dishes. When nine rolled around, I found myself in one of the rooms that had been made into a classroom, with rows of battered wooden desks and an old, musty chalkboard. Mrs. Middleton was already at the front of the class, ready to teach. In my opinion, she was a terrible teacher but she's the only one that was willing to work in the Narrows so Loretta hired her, or so the story goes.

With a sigh, I rested my chin on my hand, my eyes drawing themselves to the window. Just a week left until I'm seventeen... Which means just a year left in this hell-hole before I could escape. Anywhere was better than here. Anywhere.

I hope.


	5. Chapter 5

If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river, at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song

-If I Die Young, The Band Perry

 

Loretta's long nails dug into my arm as she leaned down. “Don't tell him anything,” she hissed in my ear, “or you'll regret it.” I gritted my teeth and shrugged her off, escaping down the hallway towards Dr. Crane's office before she could retaliate. Seeing the door was open I hesitantly poked my head inside.

Dr. Crane was typing at his laptop, but he looked up. “Ah, Miss Norris,” he greeted cordially, standing up and walking out from behind his desk. “Come on in.” I hesitated, but seeing no choice I walked inside. 

His eyes immediately flashed to the cast on my left wrist. Crane pursed his lips for a moment in thought before closing the door and sitting himself behind the desk while I took my place in my usual chair. 

“Well, Miss Norris,” he said, picking up his pen and closing his laptop lid, “how was your week?”

“Peachy.” I couldn't help but glance at the cast. It had happened the previous night, and I was angry. I was tired and furious at the treatment I was receiving, being singled out for abuse when I did nothing wrong. 

Dr. Crane tried a different approach. “Why don't you tell me what happened to your wrist?”

Should I tell him? I bit my lip, rapidly thinking it over. What would Loretta do to me if she found out that I told him? 

A reckless feeling came over me, and I decided in that moment I didn't care. I wanted out of this situation. Most of all, I wanted my old life back with my parents, living in our dinghy apartment on the outskirts of the Narrows. It was a hard life, but it was warm and loving, and I wanted it back. I wouldn't be able to have it back, but at the least I wanted my situation to change.

Maybe – just maybe – Dr. Crane was the one who could help me. Maybe he could get me out of the orphanage and into a different one in the city. Maybe he could help me leave behind Loretta and her abusive nature.

I didn't want to trust him, but I had no choice. At this moment in time, I just didn't care anymore.

“I broke my wrist,” I said slowly, “because Loretta pushed me down the stairs.”

Surprise flitted across his face. I could tell it was because I had decided to tell him, to let him into what was going on at the orphanage. Without wasting a moment, he said, “Why would she do that?”

“Because I was late to breakfast duty and got away with it, until one of the other kids told her.”

Dr. Crane scribbled away at his notepad. “Has any other similar incidents happened recently?”

I stared at the notepad. “After I left your office for the first time, she beat me up outside the orphanage because I refused to say what I told you.” I swallowed. “I've been beaten up three times since then.”

“Have they gotten worse, or are there more times that you've been beaten up?” Crane's voice was clipped and professional, almost detached. Dread washed over me, and I wondered if I made the right decision. Well, might as well finish this. 

“Since I've been coming to see you, the beatings have gotten worse and the way she treats me. She's afraid I'm going to tell you whats going on.” I sucked in a breath, waiting for him to say something, anything.

When he finally did speak, it was not what I wanted to hear. “Well, Miss Norris. Could you please wait in the waiting room while I talk to Loretta?” My head snapped up, my panicked gaze meeting his icy blue eyes. They were like his voice; detached, unemotional, and giving nothing away.

My mouth went dry as Dr. Crane stood up and directed me to do the same. I shakily climbed to my feet and followed him out of the room. No no no no. This isn't what was supposed to happen. He was supposed to do something, like take me away from Loretta. This isn't what was supposed to happen!

I shouldn't have trusted him.

Loretta looked up as the two of us walked in. Dr. Crane faked a smile. “Miss Grisham, may I speak with you?” She nodded tartly, standing up and meeting my gaze with stormy, hate-filled eyes. I shakily stepped to the side as she passed by me, trying to keep some distance between us. 

I looked up in fear to Dr. Crane, who was watching me with an odd look on his face. At the sight of my obvious fear, a smirk curved across his face. “We'll be right back, Miss Norris,” he said before walking down the hall after Loretta.

I collapsed in a nearby chair, trying to calm myself down. It was the wrong decision to trust Crane. He's going to question Loretta about it, and she's going to claim that I made it all up. After that, she's going to hurt me for that. After all, who would Crane trust more? The orphan girl with an 'active imagination', as he put it, or the respectable adult who runs an orphanage?

I don't know how long they were in there. It could have been hours or it could have been minutes. I really couldn't say. All that mattered was that Loretta was down the hall and to the right denying everything that I worked up the courage to say to Dr. Crane. She was tearing it to shreds, and I was out here like a sitting duck. 

Panic flashed across my mind and I half-rose out of the chair, ready to flee, when suddenly Dr. Crane and Loretta were back. Loretta looked grim but I could see a triumphant glimmer in her eyes. My heart sank, and my fingers dug into the wooden railing of the chair.

“Well, Miss Norris, I feel it fit to prescribe medication to you. You'll need to take it once a day at night, and you can't skip a dose. Loretta has the medicine with her, so you'll need to see her for your first dose tonight.” Dr. Crane faked a smile at the both of us, before shaking hands with Loretta and then me. His hand was cold and thin, and I quickly pulled back after.

Wait. The words stuck in my throat and I felt like I was trapped. Loretta laid a hand on my shoulder, steering me towards the check-out desk, her nails digging into my flesh. No. Wait. She signed us out while Dr. Crane picked up a folder from one of the secretaries. I stared at him desperately. Please. 

Loretta finished signing me out, and started steering us towards the exit. I twisted my neck around and locked eyes with Dr. Crane, who was watching us leave. My face betrayed it all.

Help me. 

He stayed silent as we walked out the doors, and my fate was sealed.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The car ride was deathly silent. I didn't dare to move, barely breathing as I desperately wished myself to be small and invisible to escape her mounting fury. I could feel the tension in the car, so similar to the first time I came back from Dr. Crane's office. I watched with trepidation as we pulled into the driveway to the orphanage. I quickly unbuckled and climbed out of the car.

Before I could escape inside, Loretta grabbed me and dragged her nails down the side of my face. I let out a small shriek of pain, trying to twist out of her grip, but she held on too tight. “I told you not to tell him!” she snarled, her face furious. “You're just lucky that he believed me!”

I tasted the salty tang of blood in my mouth, and something wet was running down my right cheek. “What did you tell him?” I choked out, speaking to her for the first time in weeks.

Neither of us noticed the car that slowed to a stop and parked itself a little ways down the street, where they would have a full view of everything that was going on.

She threw me to the ground. A crack sounded through the air as my head hit harshly against the pavement. I gasped out as pain exploded in my head, squeezing my eyes shut. Pain lanced through me as Loretta kicked my side. “I told him that you have a history of mental illness, and is a compulsive liar. Of course he believed me over you. You're never going back there.”

“Why do you hate me so much?” I croaked, struggling to get away from her.

Loretta's face was twisted with hatred as I looked up to her. “You remind me of my sister when she was your age. I hated my sister.”

A fire burned inside of me, fueling my strength and my anger. “You're a psychotic bitch,” I hissed, struggling to my feet and backing up a few spaces. Dizziness and pain lanced through my head, but I gritted my teeth and continued. “You're a fucking c-”

Loretta knocked me down again, and I cried out as I landed on my bad wrist. Before anything else could happen, a stern voice said, “Hey!” 

As soon as Loretta looked away from me and towards an approaching figure, I took the chance. Scrambling to my feet, ignoring the dizziness and pain that clouded my head, I took off. I stumbled through the different streets of the Narrows, desperate to get away from Loretta, from the orphanage, from Dr. Crane and the fragile thread of trust I had built before it was broken.

The darkness pushed at my vision, and I fell outside a building, in front of the door. I slumped against the wall, gasping for air. A figure stepped in my vision, and I whimpered, “Help...”

The figure crouched down in front of me, and I could make out a bright green shirt before my vision went black, and I slumped into unconsciousness.


End file.
